Emotional Attachment Syndrome. What do you do?

#1
For the escorts among us... how often have you had an EASed up client? Have you ever had it happen the other way? What do you do with a client struck with it?

Punters, same sort of questions... Have you ever been hit by EAS? How did you deal with it? Ever had that rare case of an escort getting attached to you?
 
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#2
Never felt like a WG has become attached to me. Helps that I am no oil painting :D

I have probably been close to getting EAS once with a WG, so made the conscious effort to not see her because I did not want to cross boundaries or if it was not reciprocated it would just make it awkward between us.

After four months of not seeing her I had a meet and continued to find her attractive but nothing more. I just don't see her as frequently now, which seems to have done the trick :thumbsup:
 
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#3
I think EAS is verging on mythical proportions whereas in reality its not that common. Its natural to develop affectionate "friend" feelings for people who you share your life with and when you have regulars who chat openly about their lives, kids, wives, holidays and I do about my life, kids, holidays etc with them, you treat each other very nicely and like to see each other.... I have a client who is regular as clockwork usually, I didnt see him for a while and was starting to get very worried as he is a little older, not a lot. He eventually turned up and had has the flu pretty badly. Do I luuurve him, no I dont love him but as a person who Ive met god knows how many times now and who I get along with very well then I do care what happens to him. I dont think any of my clients are or have been in love with me, maybe a couple felt they might be but in the harsh light of day and hindsight I think they probably know they didnt.

My own personal experience of EAS on the part of the client is pretty nasty, clients believing lies another escort tells them about me then try and gang up on a forum and bully me and lie about me behind my back because they believed her when she said I was picking on her, the moderators knew very well though that it was the other way around in reality and that she had been trying to bully me and when one of my friends on there was party to a private conversation where horrible lies and accusations were told about me to put a couple of clients off from seeing me then he pasted me the conversation, this was sent to the forum admin and it was dealt with, however I am loud and gobby, she puts on a fake little girl lost persona so it was easy for those men to believe that I would be the bully ...couldnt be further from the truth. This is what EAS does to people.
 
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#4
I have found a few clients get to close and blurt out that they love me or they want more from me. I immediately stop seeing them as I don't want to lead them on unfairly as that would end up causing them to be hurt and we have all been there and know how bad it feels
Have I ever had EAS with a client? No. I have a partner who I am emotionally committed to and one is more than enough. I do however have clients I care dearly for and panic to the point of feeling sick when I don't hear from them due to their age or disability but they act the same towards me. Recently I had kidney failure and I was the most visited person on the ward due to these dear guys who all insisted on visiting as they were really worried as I wasn't answering emails and could barely type one words answers to texts (they have my private number). So EAS is not as prevelant as you think but caring for clients in a friendly way can be
 
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#5
I think EAS is verging on mythical proportions whereas in reality its not that common. Its natural to develop affectionate "friend" feelings for people who you share your life with and when you have regulars who chat openly about their lives, kids, wives, holidays and I do about my life, kids, holidays etc with them, you treat each other very nicely and like to see each other.... I have a client who is regular as clockwork usually, I didnt see him for a while and was starting to get very worried as he is a little older, not a lot. He eventually turned up and had has the flu pretty badly. Do I luuurve him, no I dont love him but as a person who Ive met god knows how many times now and who I get along with very well then I do care what happens to him. I dont think any of my clients are or have been in love with me, maybe a couple felt they might be but in the harsh light of day and hindsight I think they probably know they didnt.
If talking about lives, kids and other family members, holidays and such like with a regular with whom the affectionate "friend" feelings have developed constitutes EAS, then I definitely have it.
I also think it's important to distinguish between having something approaching "Luurve" for a regular rather than claiming to be "in love" with her. I often tell my regular that I love her as a person with whom I get on very well and I don't think this makes her uncomfortable. I would never claim to be "in love" with her, as I think this would be overstating the case, and probably be sufficiently uncomfortable for both of us that it might damage the good, friendly relationship we have now.
 
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#6
For the escorts among us... how often have you had an EASed up client? Have you ever had it happen the other way? What do you do with a client struck with it?

Punters, same sort of questions... Have you ever been hit by EAS? How did you deal with it? Ever had that rare case of an escort getting attached to you?
I have and I didn't see the WG again. Nowadays I punt and leave and that's it. For me punting ISNT dating and I don't treat it as such.
 
#7
One of my regulars seems to think I'm his best friend. He texts me all the time outside of bookings and it can be difficult to get him back on track to a professional dynamic :/ I have a lot of fun with him, and I do like the time we spend together, but the texting is quite frustrating!
 
J

johnnyboy61

Guest
#8
I think EAS is verging on mythical proportions whereas in reality its not that common. Its natural to develop affectionate "friend" feelings for people who you share your life with and when you have regulars who chat openly about their lives, kids, wives, holidays and I do about my life, kids, holidays etc with them, you treat each other very nicely and like to see each other.... I have a client who is regular as clockwork usually, I didnt see him for a while and was starting to get very worried as he is a little older, not a lot. He eventually turned up and had has the flu pretty badly. Do I luuurve him, no I dont love him but as a person who Ive met god knows how many times now and who I get along with very well then I do care what happens to him. I dont think any of my clients are or have been in love with me, maybe a couple felt they might be but in the harsh light of day and hindsight I think they probably know they didnt.
I empathise with this too from the client's perspective and agree that this is not EAS. As long as both parties respect the boundaries and do not start expecting more, then we can care for someone without it turning into love or overstepping a mark where the other party feels uncomfortable. I think that it is just common courtesy when you meet someone to ask how they are, and if that leads on to talking about life outside of escorting then it is not an invitation to take things further, but as we learn more about someone and spend more time with them we quite naturally start to care for them.
 
#9
With a regular I like to be able to get on with them, have a connection, be able to converse with them, have a fun feel to the meet, and for the sex to be natural and good for both of us, but this does not constitute EAS. However when you have all of these things an emotional bond on some level is bound to develop ie friendly.
 
#10
On UKP, this subject gets talked about quite a lot.

IMO, the term EAS can be used too easily to describe a punter/WG that like each other and click to the extent they even have social time off the clock. In this instance, as already said, as long as both parties respect the boundaries and each other, that's not EAS.

However there is another aspect of that I read a lot about, that isn't just EAS, it goes far beyond that to the point where someone's life could be ruined. Both punter and WG can be guilty of this, if they are that way inclined.

What to do? From a punters' perspective, take a break for as long as required until the feeling subsides, then see other WG's or stop all together. I should imagine for a WG, the best solution is to simply stop seeing the client altogether. Cruel to be kind is maybe the best way....in the right measure...

 
#11
Nah, never had it, but have witnessed many punters that do on UKP.

Enjoy a bit of banter with regulars before/during/after a meet, but nothing more than that. Did see one girl a couple of times who liked to send texts randomly telling me how she was getting on but didn't respond, and it soon stopped.

Like to keep a respectful distance. It isn't dating, but it does seem difficult for some to rationalise in that way.
 
#12
I've experienced it in various shades over the years, it only became difficult with a couple of guys, and came to an absolute head with one this summer. I find it becomes very stressful, overwhelming and distressing. Unfortunately the guys it gets bad with just don't seem to be able to empathise with the subject of their fantasy, and that is what I found so scary and frustrating.

I can however understand where some of this can come from, I've done a lot of reading into Bowlby's attachment theory for something else, and have found it very useful when applied to EAS and all of my life relationships in general. I think I could now pick out potential EAS clients.

The biggest lesson I've learned is listen to your gut, and don't feel bad. I didn't and I thought it would be ok, it wasn't.
 
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#13
There is no question I enjoy the ladies I see and if I see them a second or third time there is an attachment that forms. But I am very careful, so far so good but if I find myself getting attached I would simply move on. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Cannot be any other way.
 
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#14
I treat girls very much as I would do with other professional acquaintances. We meet, we do what we do and chat about other stuff afterwards before going our separate ways. With regs, it's nice to have a catch up - generally they want to know what i've been up to punting wise, but generally the conversation is about mundane things. I suffered with a bit of EAS when I started punting, not for anyone in particular, but after each girl I met I couldn't stop thinking about her. That wore off quite quickly though and now I'm more settled, probably because each meet has an aim to it.

tcm
 
#15
If one talks about EAS, then you have to understand the meanings of the words emotion and attachment. The reality is that we all have some kind of emotional reaction towards any human being we ever get to know and there are far more interactions that are completely non sexual/romantic in nature but will still prompt some kind of emotion. Broadly speaking, people can have a positive, neutral or negative emotional reaction to another human being. Attachment is harder to quantify. If a punter sees a particular wg more than once, it could be argued that is an attachment but in the vast majority of cases it won't be an unhealthy one.

I have been punting for about 10 years and I have had a several regulars in that time. None of them became regulars without also being women that I liked, enjoyed talking to as well as having sex with and women that I thought were nice people. This doesn't mean I was in love with them. On the other hand, an escort could be very physically skilled but if I thought they were a bad person that would totally put me off going back to them.

Have I ever encountered EAS ? In my first year punting I came close to feeling it myself with a reg but ultimately avoided it. Punting was new to me and I was not that sexually experienced and I was learning all sorts of things I had never had the courage to ask about when in relationships, so maybe I became a bit overawed. The thought did cross my mind for a while with this reg that maybe I wanted more than just a professional arrangement. I thought about it privately to myself, dismissed the idea as having too many impracticalities - I'm a very logical person and also saw other escorts. I quickly put myself back in a position where I was happy with the wg/punter dynamic.

However after having reconciled myself to this situation, I couldn't help but feeling that maybe she had developed EAS. This was no longer reciprocated by me but I did get a sense that some of the questions she was asking me were fishing for my thoughts on a possible relationship. There was also an incident where, after we had finished a session and we were just chatting as she was about to lead me out of her place, she told me off about something (can't remember what now, something of nothing) but in quite a girlfriend tone. I was taken aback and said "I'm sorry if I've done anything to upset you" but then straight away she looked really embarrassed and apologised to me, saying she didn't know why she had said anything in the first place.

Maybe I was just worried that I might have given her the wrong impression when I briefly had a bit of mild EAS for her and read things into her later actions and words that were not there.I knew she was quitting later that year and I continued to see her - things didn't seem weird. Maybe she had intuited my earlier feelings and reciprocated. I don't know but I have been very guarded ever since and the thought that anything other than NSA fun could happen from a punting arrangement would never even enter my head on a meet now
 
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#16
Never had it yet

Lust and infatuation are very different and absolutely controllable compared to love

Lost bolt of love I had (for me feels like my heart is expanding and butterflies in the pit of my stomach )
Was when I looked at this picture



:) gets me every time
 
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#18
I have found a few clients get to close and blurt out that they love me or they want more from me. I immediately stop seeing them as I don't want to lead them on unfairly as that would end up causing them to be hurt and we have all been there and know how bad it feels
Have I ever had EAS with a client? No. I have a partner who I am emotionally committed to and one is more than enough. I do however have clients I care dearly for and panic to the point of feeling sick when I don't hear from them due to their age or disability but they act the same towards me. Recently I had kidney failure and I was the most visited person on the ward due to these dear guys who all insisted on visiting as they were really worried as I wasn't answering emails and could barely type one words answers to texts (they have my private number). So EAS is not as prevelant as you think but caring for clients in a friendly way can be
Cheers for insight

If I ever want to end a business relationship with a regular guilt free I'm just gonna tell her I love her

:D
 
#19
:)
Never had it yet

Lust and infatuation are very different and absolutely controllable compared to love

Lost bolt of love I had (for me feels like my heart is expanding and butterflies in the pit of my stomach )
Was when I looked at this picture



:) gets me every time
Have you started a relationship with my dog, I think you need to ask first:)
 
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#20
As an extension of this question, for a guy who senses he has EAS, the cure is easy, he simply moves on. For the wg it must be a lot harder. How do you tell a paying customer not to return. Unless you change addresses, phones, aw profiles he will obviously continue to bug you. Must be a very difficult situation.
 
#21
I've never gotten attached to any of my clients, Sure the ones that return time and time again it's nice to see someone familiar you like. I keep it purely professional.
 
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#22
Are talking about falling in love?

Yep cant deny it happened to me once.

View attachment 95

Forgive me, I'm a newbie and still a little too excited at finding this excellent site.

I'll settle down soon! But not with Dory - she was way too slippery!
 
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#23
I've never gotten attached to any of my clients, Sure the ones that return time and time again it's nice to see someone familiar you like. I keep it purely professional.
Actually cherry, I meant when you suspected a guy had EAS for you and he was a regular, how do you 'push him gently away' ???
 
#24
Actually cherry, I meant when you suspected a guy had EAS for you and he was a regular, how do you 'push him gently away' ???
Hmm I don't think I would push him away as I would never want to hurt anyones feelings. I would not encourage him however nor would I start to offer a crappy service on my part to change his mind. I think it would be best to be up front and explain that this is purely a pleasurable meet not to be taken as anything more.
 
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#25
Hi.
I have clients who we talk openly about our lives and tell each we love and about each other as friends nothing more. We have partners and know we can off load if ever we need someone to talk to . We like most of you worry if we don't hear from one another in awhile. I've had one who got a bit too ott with his feelings and i did put him straight on things and he was fine with it. I carried on being professional in the business .
 
#26
Hi.
I have clients who we talk openly about our lives and tell each we love and about each other as friends nothing more. We have partners and know we can off load if ever we need someone to talk to . We like most of you worry if we don't hear from one another in awhile. I've had one who got a bit too ott with his feelings and i did put him straight on things and he was fine with it. I carried on being professional in the business .
Yes I've had clients tell me they love me but their behaviour was NEVER pushy, or overbearing. They didn't expect anything of me, and I could tell that it was a 'safe' love. They made their booking, turned up without fuss, paid the full fee, insisted on leaving bob on time and that was that.

On the other hand I have had a couple of clients who's 'love' was used as a pressure point, along with a host of other behaviours, which on their own seemed quite innocent, yet when combined seeped in and became very unpleasant.

I have pulled clients up on this and the reactions varied from "but you are treating me like a client", one guy went away quietly, had a good long think, came back 6 months later having gotten things into perspective and was absolutely brilliant after that. Another guy, well he was insistent that he wanted to carry on seeing me. Lots and lots of little things and the Christmas thread has just brought some of it back to me.
 
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#27
Yes I've had clients tell me they love me but their behaviour was NEVER pushy, or overbearing. They didn't expect anything of me, and I could tell that it was a 'safe' love. They made their booking, turned up without fuss, paid the full fee, insisted on leaving bob on time and that was that.

On the other hand I have had a couple of clients who's 'love' was used as a pressure point, along with a host of other behaviours, which on their own seemed quite innocent, yet when combined seeped in and became very unpleasant.

I have pulled clients up on this and the reactions varied from "but you are treating me like a client", one guy went away quietly, had a good long think, came back 6 months later having gotten things into perspective and was absolutely brilliant after that. Another guy, well he was insistent that he wanted to carry on seeing me. Lots and lots of little things and the Christmas thread has just brought some of it back to me.
Hi . i can relate to your message. In our line of business we always have to be careful with client's.
 
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#28
I've only ever had what could be termed the embryonic stage of EAS once. I really clicked with the girl in question, and saw her 3 or 4 times over the space of 5 weeks which is unheard of for me.

Fortunately, I'm introspective enough to realise I was beginning to feel something I shouldn't (since the whole point of punting to me is having good company and great sex with no emotional attachment) so I gave myself a bollocking and have never seen her since. Best solution for both parties IMO.
 
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#30
So EAS is viewed as something to be corrected but not necessarily resulting in an
I've only ever had what could be termed the embryonic stage of EAS once. I really clicked with the girl in question, and saw her 3 or 4 times over the space of 5 weeks which is unheard of for me.

Fortunately, I'm introspective enough to realise I was beginning to feel something I shouldn't (since the whole point of punting to me is having good company and great sex with no emotional attachment) so I gave myself a bollocking and have never seen her since. Best solution for both parties IMO.
Without doubt this is the best way to handle any sign of EAS. We naturally become attached to anyone we see more than once. You just have to be very aware and careful. If I even sense I am feeling anything, I will move on just for my own safety.
 
#32
I think EAS can be a real issue. You are having intimacy with someone and probably having a good conversation as well. That can become confusing. I think you have to keep in tune with your feelings. If it happens move on
 
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#33
In my outcall days I had a regular who once declared mid fuck " oh god Chloe I love you" ..... never booked me again. Just remembered about that one. Once or twice Ive waved bye to the guy at the door or said by on the phone and they have said "byeee love you" to which I went "eh??" but then they were always quickly followed up with a little text saying "in a friend way" haha, the first guy may have just been embarrassed i case i then thought he loved me, maybe he did, maybe it was just the moment followed by omg did i say that, oh the horror so he never booked me again, was a shame, quite liked him
 
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#35
In my outcall days I had a regular who once declared mid fuck " oh god Chloe I love you" ..... never booked me again. Just remembered about that one. Once or twice Ive waved bye to the guy at the door or said by on the phone and they have said "byeee love you" to which I went "eh??" but then they were always quickly followed up with a little text saying "in a friend way" haha, the first guy may have just been embarrassed i case i then thought he loved me, maybe he did, maybe it was just the moment followed by omg did i say that, oh the horror so he never booked me again, was a shame, quite liked him
I am confused, is it so bad if the guy did have a crush on you?

If I have a crush on the girl who serves me at Burger King, it doesn't mean I can never shop there again.
 
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#36
At the height of orgasm, saying crazy things is very easy. I have said 'I love you' at that point when I actually mean 'I love what you have just done for me'. No attachment at all, just a way of saying thank you in the moment. :yahoo:
 
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#37
I am confused, is it so bad if the guy did have a crush on you?

If I have a crush on the girl who serves me at Burger King, it doesn't mean I can never shop there again.
No its wasnt bad as far as I was concerned but he never MADE another booking with me so obviously he decided that it was bad. I would have happily seen him again and never mentioned what he had said. I came to the conclusion that either he was telling the truth and didnt WANT to have feelings for me so cut me out completely or he didnt have feelings for me and felt any further meetings may be awkward. Who knows
 
J

johnnyboy61

Guest
#38
At the height of orgasm, saying crazy things is very easy. I have said 'I love you' at that point when I actually mean 'I love what you have just done for me'. No attachment at all, just a way of saying thank you in the moment. :yahoo:
One regular suggested that we leave a little feedback on each other on AW as she didn't really use the booking system and so was a little lacking in positives. It felt a little uncomfortable when she finished off the feedback with "I love him." I never spoke to her about it and I just put it down to the fact that English wasn't her first language and I think she probably meant to say, I love seeing him. Language is so more precise than a few moans of appreciation and can so easily lead to misunderstandings.
 
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#40
I mentioned in another thread about keeping things strictly business, and here's why. I'll probably get shredded for this but what the hell, the site's about punting experiences and this is one!

I'd been seeing a wg regularly for a couple of years during her spells of working and we seemed to get along great. She was extremely open about herself and her personal life - I honestly never initiate discussions about anything personal with any wg, but over time got to know most things about her, through her openness. While I'll happily admit to liking the girl there was never any thoughts of EAS in a creepy way, we were just friendly and kept in touch when she wasn't working - something I considered as a perk of being a regular when she was. Then, after several emails / texts saying she'd be starting working again and how much she was looking forward to meeting, (to the point where I made arrangements to free time to see her), she suddenly went very quiet. I checked she was ok - to be told it was nothing I'd done wrong but she couldn't see me again because she considered me a friend not a client and that I knew too much about her...all the things she'd seemed so happy to divulge in the first place.

There's more that I won't go into but the two things that bothered me most about it all were firstly it ruined what seemed an ideal punting arrangement, she was great at her job and we both knew neither would mess the other around - up to that point anyway..

Secondly it wasn't that she decided she didn't want to see me again, nothing in punting lasts forever. If she'd have been up front about it all along I'd have understood - but that she spent weeks stringing me along about meeting up when she clearly never had any intention of doing so. Not the kind of thing I'd do to anyone, much less someone I considered a friend.

I wish no ill of the girl by the way, she's a nice girl and a damn good wg - I just feel a bit of a knob for ever getting sucked into it all. Next time a wg says "by the way my name isn't really xxxxx, it's xxxxxx" or starts going too in-depth about her personal life will be the last she ever sees of me!
 
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#41
hello everyone, really enjoyed lurking on this site and finding it all pretty fascinating

my 3rd punt i had a touch of eas, but i was detached and objective enough at the time to realise that if a woman more desirable than any youve ever touched before is pretty much completely sexually available to you for 2hrs, does all the things you want to do and seems to enjoy them as much as you do and generally treats you you like your special and hangs on your every word then its not that surprising if your natural human instinct is to feel quite fond of her - especially when your more inexperienced and it still seems like a massive deal.

unfortunately if your not getting treated like this in civve life... well, shes probably just excellent at her job and you made a really really good choice

as said above the cure for me was sex with another the next week
 
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#42
One regular suggested that we leave a little feedback on each other on AW as she didn't really use the booking system and so was a little lacking in positives. It felt a little uncomfortable when she finished off the feedback with "I love him." I never spoke to her about it and I just put it down to the fact that English wasn't her first language and I think she probably meant to say, I love seeing him. Language is so more precise than a few moans of appreciation and can so easily lead to misunderstandings.
Yeah or 'I love him, he's a great guy' rather than 'I am in love with him'. You never know though. maybe she did take a shine to you ;)
 
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#43
Not sure of it constitutes EAS but a few months ago i had a regular who i really clicked with. Part of me was thinking "maybe i could...."

After a few visits she started texting/emailing me too frequently for comfort so i cut contact. She then deleted her AW profile and no more communication since.

Possibly a touch of feelings on both sides but for my own sanity i'm glad it didnt go any further.
 
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#44
I most certainly had a case of EAS for a girl in Manchester so knocked any meetings with her on the head pity she was/is great company and a damn fine shag did also have a "regular" who suddenly just started making excuses to text me/meet socially might have been loneliness on her part as shes EE girl and probably doesnt have many friends here.Yet another pity as she was as full on in snogging as any lady i've ever met.
C'est La Vie Lots of Lovely Ladies still to meet
 
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#45
I am confused, is it so bad if the guy did have a crush on you?

If I have a crush on the girl who serves me at Burger King, it doesn't mean I can never shop there again.
I know they can take ages to serve in bk but not long enough to fall in love ant
 
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#46
Had it on one occasion with a young lady. Over a period of time, I started to develop strong paternal feelings.
I guess that something about her just clicked with me.
Started to think of her less as a wg and more like a daughter, so I had to stop seeing her.
 
I

IndigoRose

Guest
#48
The term EAS makes me cringe.

Yeah it's happened before, more than one client has outright made a pass at me/asked me to be their girlfriend/generally pushed boundaries. It's really uncomfortable and I put a stop to it immediately. The most recent one that did it I outright got aggressive with as he had previously been asking me what my real name was etc. and a bunch of other personal questions, then came out with this stuff about wanting me to be his girlfriend because I'm exactly like his ex. Seriously annoyed me, so I got quite pissed off and said in a flat tone "Nah you're alright", "No, seriously, not interested" etc. repeatedly until he wore me down so much that I straight up said "You are legitimately 30 years older than me, we've met once, we have nothing in common, this is a professional relationship and you know yourself that I have no trouble pulling people my own age, stop it". He did, but that's because we were already ten minutes overtime.

I have absolutely no space or sympathy for it. It's not my responsibility to take care of a grown man's emotions. They can learn to control themselves and keep their hearts out of the equation.

As for what people actually mean by EAS which I suppose is a more long-term thing, I have that as well with one client - I do genuinely like him (not in a romantic way, but in general) so I'm more gentle with him but have still been quite firm. If I feel that it ever moves past the point of no return, I will stop seeing him for his own sake.
 
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#49
The term EAS makes me cringe.
As for what people actually mean by EAS which I suppose is a more long-term thing, I have that as well with one client - I do genuinely like him (not in a romantic way, but in general) so I'm more gentle with him but have still been quite firm. If I feel that it ever moves past the point of no return, I will stop seeing him for his own sake.
He should be able to gauge that reaction for himself and realise that its time to move on.
If things have reached a point where you are having to make the first move, then he hasn't understood what the relationship between a wg and client really is.

Simple really, business and pleasure.
 
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#50
The girls also have to accept some responsibility to prevent guys thinking that they are "special" to them. Some guys, shy, quiet, maybe socially-inept can mis-interpret friendliness for something more. During my punts I've had at least 5 girls show me their personal facebook page, tell me their full name, accept an offer of a social (unpaid) meet, accept a lift home, add extra fee time on to the booking etc.

Its all very well complaining that a guy is a boundary-pusher, but when those boundaries are so blurred it is sometimes difficult to see where they are.
 
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