BDSM, is there a place for sensible discussion about it on here?

Messages
11,164
#2
Of course there is a place for sensible discussion. BDSM, love it, dont know all the angles and dont have all the big equipment personally, one day perhaps but for now Im a domestic set up with three big boxes of bits and bobs with which I and my clients have a LOT of fun.

I offer what I call an extreme tie and tease for the nervous newbie guys who want to try a bit of domination but are a bit worried about it. Its very popular and I think there are an awful lot of guys out there who would like to try it but their nerves are holding them back because they are scared of the unknown and also of being taken advantage of by someone iresponsible whilst tied up and vulnerable. It must take a lot to trust a complete stranger with this sort of thing.

Ive had guys who have arrived for a gfe ask whats this and that etc and then when I explain they give it a go. Its really nice to help someone try something new and discover that they love it...even if they walked in not expecting too
 
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9,677
#3
Nice start Chloe.

I get that guys especially in high powered jobs need that kind of release.

For me I need to always be on control whether that's at work or at play.
 
Messages
12,965
#4
This subject never seemed to go down well on the other site.

Are we a bit more adult on here?
If the other site you mean is UKP I don't agree, there have been threads about it and punters who were interested in it. As to being a bit more adult I am not clear exactly what you mean.

Anyway this subject can be discussed on here as posters want as far as I know, posting their views as they wish.
 
#5
I find it tricky to get the balance right with work. I'm fine when I'm topping, but letting myself enter subspace with clients makes me nervous, and I try not to leave myself too prone (fully restrained etc) as something could go wrong. LOVE kink and fully practice it in my personal life, but it can be a tricky line to toe with clients as it can get so intense...
 
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9,677
#6
Good prior communication and agreed safe words help.

But it's always going to be tricky with a new client until you build up trust.
 
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3,919
#7
I have to confess to be selfish in this regard as I have no desire to be on the receiving end of any BDSM stuff with the exception perhaps of a bit of tie and tease. I have experienced like kinky stuff such as spanking, hair pulling, choking etc and full on dom with a willing sub. As I think I mentioned before on another thread, if the girl is genuinely willing and enjoys it, it can be fantastic. :yahoo:
 
#8
I have to confess to be selfish in this regard as I have no desire to be on the receiving end of any BDSM stuff with the exception perhaps of a bit of tie and tease. I have experienced like kinky stuff such as spanking, hair pulling, choking etc and full on dom with a willing sub. As I think I mentioned before on another thread, if the girl is genuinely willing and enjoys it, it can be fantastic. :yahoo:
Mmmmmmm sounds just my cup of tea!
 
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1,249
#13
Think you'll find there have already been some initial discussions about BDSM elsewhere here on this site, and I agree with Smiths, the topic was reasonably well covered on UKP. Of course, on both sites I expect some will find it not to be their cup o'tea. To each their own.

For me BDSM mainly makes sense in the context of a regular escort/client relationship over some weeks and months.

Jessica, do you not find with your regulars that over time trust develops? I certainly have never tied up a sub escort on a first date (ok, well maybe one time) but usually after a few meets once we know each other's limits we get comfortable enough to push things along.
 
#14
Think you'll find there have already been some initial discussions about BDSM elsewhere here on this site, and I agree with Smiths, the topic was reasonably well covered on UKP. Of course, on both sites I expect some will find it not to be their cup o'tea. To each their own.

For me BDSM mainly makes sense in the context of a regular escort/client relationship over some weeks and months.

Jessica, do you not find with your regulars that over time trust develops? I certainly have never tied up a sub escort on a first date (ok, well maybe one time) but usually after a few meets once we know each other's limits we get comfortable enough to push things along.
I've yet to have a regular Dom client but I think I'd be open to that - it's just people often message me asking to tie me up on a first meeting and I'm worried they might remove a condom or take a picture or something and I won't be able to stop them. If I know them then it's different, of course!
 
#15
I think of course we should be able to have a sensible discussion about it. Lots of fun can potentially be had. Having said that, my own opinion, as I have said on UKP is that BDSM that does not involve any sex, be that oral, penetrative or a hj, is really just elaborate dress up and some extreme forms might be taking advantage of men with psychological issues relating to sexual inadequacy.
 
Messages
9,677
#16
Think you'll find there have already been some initial discussions about BDSM elsewhere here on this site, and I agree with Smiths, the topic was reasonably well covered on UKP. Of course, on both sites I expect some will find it not to be their cup o'tea. To each their own.

For me BDSM mainly makes sense in the context of a regular escort/client relationship over some weeks and months.

Jessica, do you not find with your regulars that over time trust develops? I certainly have never tied up a sub escort on a first date (ok, well maybe one time) but usually after a few meets once we know each other's limits we get comfortable enough to push things along.
Think you'll find there have already been some initial discussions about BDSM elsewhere here on this site, and I agree with Smiths, the topic was reasonably well covered on UKP. Of course, on both sites I expect some will find it not to be their cup o'tea. To each their own.

For me BDSM mainly makes sense in the context of a regular escort/client relationship over some weeks and months.

Jessica, do you not find with your regulars that over time trust develops? I certainly have never tied up a sub escort on a first date (ok, well maybe one time) but usually after a few meets once we know each other's limits we get comfortable enough to push things along.
Hi Q, good to have you online again. ;)
 
Messages
249
#18
I have tried it on a couple of occasions with the same submissive lady. It can be quite difficult to get your head round the idea of inflicting a bit of punishment and pain on another person.

However, I went a bit over the top at first, but the lady soon put me straight (by dropping out of character) and I learnt that just the right amount, delivered in a controlled way can be quite exhilarating for both people involved, especially when I saw amount of pleasure she was getting.

It certainly made me plan in advance exactly what I wanted to do. I even wrote out a script.

I would like to try it again, as I did start to appreciate the sexual tension that built up. I feel that it is work in progress atm, and is completely different from a regular punt.
 
Messages
9,677
#19
I have tried it on a couple of occasions with the same submissive lady. It can be quite difficult to get your head round the idea of inflicting a bit of punishment and pain on another person.

However, I went a bit over the top at first, but the lady soon put me straight (by dropping out of character) and I learnt that just the right amount, delivered in a controlled way can be quite exhilarating for both people involved, especially when I saw amount of pleasure she was getting.

It certainly made me plan in advance exactly what I wanted to do. I even wrote out a script.

I would like to try it again, as I did start to appreciate the sexual tension that built up. I feel that it is work in progress atm, and is completely different from a regular punt.
The way to go is to build up slowly. When working with any pain element, intensity needs to match arousal level.

That's why too much at the beginning doesn't work.
 
Messages
15,239
#20
I have to confess to be selfish in this regard as I have no desire to be on the receiving end of any BDSM stuff with the exception perhaps of a bit of tie and tease. I have experienced like kinky stuff such as spanking, hair pulling, choking etc and full on dom with a willing sub. As I think I mentioned before on another thread, if the girl is genuinely willing and enjoys it, it can be fantastic. :yahoo:
It's all about the trust Dg :D A lot of girls play sub there is a big difference when you live and breath it outside of AW ,I have loads of request for this but it has to take an engaging email to spark that interest :)
 
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3,919
#21
It's all about the trust Dg , A lot of girls play sub there is a big difference when you live and breath it outside of AW ,I have loads of request for this but it has to take an engaging email to spark that interest :)
Absolutely, trust is vital for it to work. Some of the best times I've had have been when I'm calling the shots haha... If you know what I mean :yahoo::yahoo::yahoo:
 
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15,239
#24
What would you say is the difference between playing and living and breathing Nicky ?
It's too long to write aha :)
There's so many aspects to it ,shite hard question lol
To cut it short sub girls need a reason to be punished they will serve they will give themselves to you fully if you are not a fool ,trying to take my interests of sub to AW has worked in some aspects ,not everyone can have that power if a guy wants a sub they will engage you in conversation and mind ive met some amazing Doms that I've put them in touch with free sites and invited them to free parties that I hold ,the oh spank me brigade bend over I've been naughty oops stuff doesn't cut the mustard of a real sub ,I've been under the control of just a few and I give them my all and that's outside AW :)
 
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Messages
668
#25
Think you'll find there have already been some initial discussions about BDSM elsewhere here on this site, and I agree with Smiths, the topic was reasonably well covered on UKP. Of course, on both sites I expect some will find it not to be their cup o'tea. To each their own.

For me BDSM mainly makes sense in the context of a regular escort/client relationship over some weeks and months.

Jessica, do you not find with your regulars that over time trust develops? I certainly have never tied up a sub escort on a first date (ok, well maybe one time) but usually after a few meets once we know each other's limits we get comfortable enough to push thiings along.
Most definitely agree with this. My regular, who I've been seeing for around 3 years, knows exactly what I like and exactly how I like it, so there's none of the getting to know what I like stuff that eats into time. Of course, I've visited other escorts, but for me, she is and always will be my regular as long as I still have the finances to indulge in bdsm.
 
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#26
It's too long to write aha :)
There's so many aspects to it ,shite hard question lol
To cut it short sub girls need a reason to be punished they will serve they will give themselves to you fully if you are not a fool ,trying to take my interests of sub to AW has worked in some aspects ,not everyone can have that power if a guy wants a sub they will engage you in conversation and mind ive met some amazing Doms that I've put them in touch with free sites and invited them to free parties that I hold ,the oh spank me brigade bend over I've been naughty oops stuff doesn't cut the mustard of a real sub ,I've been under the control of just a few and I give them my all and that's outside AW :)
Thanks for your answer Nicky. Do you feel then that the playful stuff just doesn't cut it for you, or is it fun in a different way ? What would you say to a guy who was inexperienced in this sort of thing but interested in domming a girl ? Have you ever felt that being a sub yourself has made everyday interactions with a guy weird or that you have felt like you have had a lesser status outside of the sexual situation ?
 
Messages
15,239
#27
Thanks for your answer Nicky. Do you feel then that the playful stuff just doesn't cut it for you, or is it fun in a different way ? What would you say to a guy who was inexperienced in this sort of thing but interested in domming a girl ? Have you ever felt that being a sub yourself has made everyday interactions with a guy weird or that you have felt like you have had a lesser status outside of the sexual situation ?
I can do playful I'm not in chains 24/7 lol
It hasn't made interactions weird because it's clear on my profile that I'm sub so I tend to get more Dominates mailing me .
Lesser status no never I have an out going personality and my submissiveness is never rubbed off in the real work , a submissive is not a weak person Infact just the opposite I'm strong in myself I would never submit of weakness I submit out of strength and trust :)
If a guy mailed me interested in testing the water with bringing out his inner Boss/Dom I would point him in right direction with other websites talk to him ask him why and if there's a click I might let him practise on me :)
 
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Messages
4,400
#28
I don't understand BDSM.

As far as I aware, there is no physical contact between a male Sub and his domme Mistress - the maximum he can ever hope for is to lick her black leather boots while she spanks, or whips, him on his botty.

How can any man get any pleasure from such limited physical contact with a woman?

I'd be fascinated to know from aficionados why they are so sexually content.
 
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9,677
#29
I don't understand BDSM.

As far as I aware, there is no physical contact between a male Sub and his domme Mistress - the maximum he can ever hope for is to lick her black leather boots while she spanks, or whips, him on his botty.

How can any man get any pleasure from such limited physical contact with a woman?

I'd be fascinated to know from aficionados why they are so sexually content.
Pro-domme BDSM is only one facet of a highly varied subject.

The type of meeting you mention is not for me (lol) but I understand that it can provide release for some.
 
Messages
4,400
#34
It'd be great if there were a sub man or a professional domme Mistress on here who could tell us how a man gets sexual pleasure from little or no physical contact with a woman.
 
Messages
1,369
#35
I have tried it on a couple of occasions with the same submissive lady. It can be quite difficult to get your head round the idea of inflicting a bit of punishment and pain on another person.

However, I went a bit over the top at first, but the lady soon put me straight (by dropping out of character) and I learnt that just the right amount, delivered in a controlled way can be quite exhilarating for both people involved, especially when I saw amount of pleasure she was getting.

It certainly made me plan in advance exactly what I wanted to do. I even wrote out a script.

I would like to try it again, as I did start to appreciate the sexual tension that built up. I feel that it is work in progress atm, and is completely different from a regular punt.

Dom isnt all about punishment and pain, delaying her orgasm is a greater form of control
 
Messages
557
#37
I prefer BDSM, and offer mainly domination services at present. I'm not a 'bitch' or nasty domme though, more of a sensual one. And I DO allow physical contact, but it's on MY terms, ie: you can't book me for a blow job, but there may be occasions where you get one. I can't inflict serious pain on anyone (ball trampling etc) but I love giving a good spanking and torturing cocks/balls with painful (and temporary) substances. Edging and orgasm control is a huge turn on for me (giving), and urethral sounding I love too. I want to expand into e-stim/TENS for small electric shocks, and really must try getting a cane that I can travel with (or find suitable premises that already has one).
 
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19,054
#38
It's not my cup of tea whatsoever, but one thing that riles me is men who have no understanding of the sub/dom dynamic and think it's just about inflicting pain and/or being in control. Also the whole pathetic 50 Shades shite and women who think they'll get off on being spanked or whatever.

It's admittedly rare, but I also have very close first-hand experience on the unhealthy effects of getting too deep into BDSM if you're not psychologically strong enough to cope with it, and how it can play a role in magnifying some mental health issues. Certainly not an issue for the vast majority of participants, but it is a potential risk worth bearing in mind.
 
Messages
15,239
#39
It's not my cup of tea whatsoever, but one thing that riles me is men who have no understanding of the sub/dom dynamic and think it's just about inflicting pain and/or being in control. Also the whole pathetic 50 Shades shite and women who think they'll get off on being spanked or whatever.

It's admittedly rare, but I also have very close first-hand experience on the unhealthy effects of getting too deep into BDSM if you're not psychologically strong enough to cope with it, and how it can play a role in magnifying some mental health issues. Certainly not an issue for the vast majority of participants, but it is a potential risk worth bearing in mind.
50 Shades has totally ruined a brilliant scene ,you have to be very strong minded strength and trust not weakness and desperation :)
 
Messages
11,164
#43
I don't understand BDSM.

As far as I aware, there is no physical contact between a male Sub and his domme Mistress - the maximum he can ever hope for is to lick her black leather boots while she spanks, or whips, him on his botty.

How can any man get any pleasure from such limited physical contact with a woman?

I'd be fascinated to know from aficionados why they are so sexually content.
Yes though there are lots who allow no sexual contact. There are a lot of escorts out there though who do allow it, a mixture of both or mostly one then some contact at the end
 
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128
#45
This subject never seemed to go down well on the other site.

Are we a bit more adult on here?
Yes Sir! :D

Seriously, yes I'd like to think we can discuss this topic on here. Getting a balance of views from lads and lasses, dommes and subs, should help make it a more open and supportive discussion than it has maybe received elsewhere? Lets just ignore anyone who tries to derail it.

So for me, I'd like to declare that I know very little about BDSM but am intrigued and would like to learn more. I never tried it until about a year ago, and so far have only tried mild spanking (hand, paddle, cane), hair pulling, face fucking, tie and tease, anal play, watersports. I think I'm more domme than sub. I prefer it to be sensual/mild as really struggle with the concept of pain - need to know the girl is enjoying it eg. sighs with pleasure when being spanked. I've learnt that I can get more intense as the girl gets more turned on.

I have tended to get introduced to these things by escorts rather than porn or reading about it or talking to other punters. For example one day when I booked a girl I asked her to dress as a schoolgirl and do some roleplay. I didn't send her a detailed script to follow. Very soon into the roleplay she said "are you going to spank me sir for being a naughty girl?" with a big smile on her face! I hadn't expected that and felt incredibly awkward and worried about inflicting pain, but I did (lightly) and she soon said "you can go harder if you like". I couldn't go anywhere near her limits that day as it just felt too awkward, but have subsequently found the more I do it with girls the more I enjoy it and the harder I am comfortable to go. Made some mistakes going too hard actually so learning to start slow and build up, read her reactions, and check in if we are in safe zone.

On another meet a girl once said "you can pull my hair if you like". Felt very awkard and didn't that time, but when another girl also offered it a while later I did, and I now love pulling hair whilst in doggy to hold her head back (if hair is long enough).

I'm here to learn like I said.:cool: I'm sure the experienced dommes will be quick to identify loads of errors above, but are able to offer some great advice?

Also keen to hear how it feels as a Subs to be on the receiving end ?
 
Messages
9,677
#46
Yes Sir! :D

Seriously, yes I'd like to think we can discuss this topic on here. Getting a balance of views from lads and lasses, dommes and subs, should help make it a more open and supportive discussion than it has maybe received elsewhere? Lets just ignore anyone who tries to derail it.

So for me, I'd like to declare that I know very little about BDSM but am intrigued and would like to learn more. I never tried it until about a year ago, and so far have only tried mild spanking (hand, paddle, cane), hair pulling, face fucking, tie and tease, anal play, watersports. I think I'm more domme than sub. I prefer it to be sensual/mild as really struggle with the concept of pain - need to know the girl is enjoying it eg. sighs with pleasure when being spanked. I've learnt that I can get more intense as the girl gets more turned on.

I have tended to get introduced to these things by escorts rather than porn or reading about it or talking to other punters. For example one day when I booked a girl I asked her to dress as a schoolgirl and do some roleplay. I didn't send her a detailed script to follow. Very soon into the roleplay she said "are you going to spank me sir for being a naughty girl?" with a big smile on her face! I hadn't expected that and felt incredibly awkward and worried about inflicting pain, but I did (lightly) and she soon said "you can go harder if you like". I couldn't go anywhere near her limits that day as it just felt too awkward, but have subsequently found the more I do it with girls the more I enjoy it and the harder I am comfortable to go. Made some mistakes going too hard actually so learning to start slow and build up, read her reactions, and check in if we are in safe zone.

On another meet a girl once said "you can pull my hair if you like". Felt very awkard and didn't that time, but when another girl also offered it a while later I did, and I now love pulling hair whilst in doggy to hold her head back (if hair is long enough).

I'm here to learn like I said.:cool: I'm sure the experienced dommes will be quick to identify loads of errors above, but are able to offer some great advice?

Also keen to hear how it feels as a Subs to be on the receiving end ?
You seem to have made a good start.

Empathy is important, read her reactions, breathing, etc.

I find that with someone you don't know well, imperiously announcing what you are going to do next gives the girl a chance to say "no" etc. Before you do it.

However, half the fun is in the pre meeting planning so talk to the girl about your plans.

Graded safe words are good.

I use green, amber, red, timeout.

Ask regularly "what colour are you?"
 
3

385North

Guest
#47
It'd be great if there were a sub man or a professional domme Mistress on here who could tell us how a man gets sexual pleasure from little or no physical contact with a woman.
As a male sub and BDSM (fluffy) punter I enjoy absolute submission to another woman. It's my opinion and preference that male submission to a female is not about the woman simply playing out the role of a goddess, but it's about the male accepting to give her that status. It’s about male adoration and placing absolute unquestionable trust in a woman, which admittedly is a scary thing to do. No mortal is perfect after all and we all have our off days.

It took a while to figure this out. Initially when I engaged the services of a Domme I believed I was receiving a true submissive experience but soon realised it was me in fact who was on top, figuratively speaking. I was requesting services, writing role-plays and pretty much scripting and choreographing the entire show. I was missing the point entirely and simply satisfying my own perversions. I then accepted not to have any choice; release complete control to a Mistress, do as she wants and put complete faith in her requirements. I never looked back since and have enjoyed some of the most intense experiences ever.

Naturally it takes time to build a bond with a Domme, but if you seek a truly submissive experience then you need to break the barrier and stop consciously questing things, which for a man is a hard thing to do. With Pro-Doming it's even harder because the reality of meaningful submission is grossly distorted by the business aspect. I therefore think it works better in a civilian relationship rather than with a paid-for because both parties are emotionally committed to the relationship and the power exchange. Finding the right partner though is a different kettle of fish entirely.

However, if all you seek is some light tie-and-tease titillation or heavier sadomasochistic BDSM then obviously Pro-Domming gets the job done. BDSM is such a vast and rewarding pursuit there really is something there for everyone.
 
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L

~LittleMissOrla~

Guest
#48
I try to get a feel for how well experienced a guy is as a dom before meeting him and if he sounds very new to it then I wouldn't be happy to meet. I'd worry that he would be less respectful of boundaries and appropriate behaviour in BDSM. I love a booking with somebody who's experienced and knows what they're doing.
 
Messages
4,400
#49
As a male sub and BDSM (fluffy) punter I enjoy absolute submission to another woman. It's my opinion and preference that male submission to a female is not about the woman simply playing out the role of a goddess, but it's about the male accepting to give her that status. It’s about male adoration and placing absolute unquestionable trust in a woman, which admittedly is a scary thing to do. No mortal is perfect after all and we all have our off days.

It took a while to figure this out. Initially when I engaged the services of a Domme I believed I was receiving a true submissive experience but soon realised it was me in fact who was on top, figuratively speaking. I was requesting services, writing role-plays and pretty much scripting and choreographing the entire show. I was missing the point entirely and simply satisfying my own perversions. I then accepted not to have any choice; release complete control to a Mistress, do as she wants and put complete faith in her requirements. I never looked back since and have enjoyed some of the most intense experiences ever.

Naturally it takes time to build a bond with a Domme, but if you seek a truly submissive experience then you need to break the barrier and stop consciously questing things, which for a man is a hard thing to do. With Pro-Doming it's even harder because the reality of meaningful submission is grossly distorted by the business aspect. I therefore think it works better in a civilian relationship rather than with a paid-for because both parties are emotionally committed to the relationship and the power exchange. Finding the right partner though is a different kettle of fish entirely.

However, if all you seek is some light tie-and-tease titillation or heavier sadomasochistic BDSM then obviously Pro-Domming gets the job done. BDSM is such a vast and rewarding pursuit there really is something there for everyone.
Have you written any reviews on your meetings?

It'd be fascinating to read them.
 
3

385North

Guest
#50
Have you written any reviews on your meetings?

It'd be fascinating to read them.
They're all on the UKP mothership, although they date back to when I was still scripting my own sub experiences. Same user profile name here and there.
 
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